I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
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IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.