I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.