STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
