that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
