My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
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