go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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