can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
worst night to have a conscience
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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