It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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