Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
