I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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