Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
