you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
