you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
