The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
