my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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