Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
