Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
