The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
