Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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