So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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