i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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