She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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