I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
