where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
