If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
