They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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