Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
