just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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