her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
