you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
