I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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