I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
