Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
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I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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