One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
