she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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