She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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