Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
