I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You are a genius and a whore.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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