the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
