hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
