I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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