I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
