used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
