I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
