Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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