I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
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Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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