So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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