Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
