Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
