I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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