I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
