All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
