I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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