Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My dick has a subreddit
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
