i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My bed smells like the plague
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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