I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
