I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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