I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My ATM looks so different sober.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
