omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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