Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
