I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
