I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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