ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
