Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Buhtt sex?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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