We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
