i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
