Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
