she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
