Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think I sprained my soul last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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