She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
