I didn't shave. On purpose
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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